originally "facade"
physical activity was homestar's whole being.
at least, he's pretty sure it is.
he's got trophies and ribbons and medals to spare, from contests and competitions of all sorts. if it involved moving about or flexing a muscle, he was there, etching his name into his well-deserved prizes.
not like he felt that attached to them.
he carved a little corner out in an odd space known as "the internet," broadcasting the wacky shenanigans of him and his friends. and although their relationship was tenuous at best, he had a girlfriend who cared for him. along with the roof over his head and financial worries long forgotten, it seemed as if he had it all.
except for when he didn't.
it wasn't often he had to remind himself of who he was- not lately, anyhow. he had been "owning it" more for his website persona. because nobody wants to watch someone actually lose touch, right? that depressing stuff is strong sad's bit, anyhow. if you repackage it into a fun joke that can be incorporated into a neat little trait exaggeration, though? that was the ticket.
not that he didn't WANT to ignore it. especially not now, when people started noticing. noticing stuff he couldn't. stuff he didn't want them to.
talking out loud to himself was already a habit; when he started saying things he couldn't control from a thought path different from his own, he started to close his mouth. it didn't always work.
or when homestar decided one day that the website was the furthest he'd go in the acting realm, then blinked himself onto the sets of dangeresque and his own talk show. not like he'd backtrack, but his script recollection would be hazier than he'd like.
or when he didn't completely lose time, but would find himself functioning much like how he had been years prior. nothing says "nostalgic" like uncovering the ol' duck shirt and putting it through a celebratory wash cycle.
this was the part where homestar would chalk it up to forgetfulness or handling website scripts for too long. maybe catching something from the locker room. any way to explain it so it’d be easily digestible.
but those feelings would never go away.
and it’s not like he had a name for it, anyhow. even if he wanted to explain this thing i’ve been joking about for years is starting to be more real than i intended, what would he even call it?
actually, he’d probably call it chauncey, since that’s what he usually called himself during some particular ‘moods.’
there was a period when he wouldn’t lose time all the way, but be so very aware of the fact that he was acting.. different. now in regards to a bit, it’s understandable for him to fly off the handle in character. the ‘different’ in question, however, was far removed from any acting he was familiar with. while nitpicking roles that weren't 110% ‘him’ and being more enthusiastic in acting work were key traits, there was also the fact he seemed to completely disregard the already lackluster brain-mouth filter. at the very least he was usually more affectionate with marzipan, even being more willing to patch things up after an argument where he otherwise would have been stubborn about being right. chauncey could be chalked up as some sort of product of being overworked, but he seemed to appear whenever he wanted to do whatever he liked.
was chauncey really a problem, though? he was extremely productive work-wise (moreso than homestar thought he could be), didn’t seem out of place amongst his already colorful neighbors, and any anxiety riddling homestar would be swept away the instant chauncey reared his head- albeit replaced with an air of superiority and an unmatched sense of self-importance.
homestar shook his head. too much self introspection for the day. he blinked himself into full awareness. that’s right, i’m here for practice; must have zoned out a little bit.
no fear, just head out on the field and do what you always do.
"alright coach, put me in!" homestar exclaimed, bouncing on his heels. "today's practice is gonna be good, i can feel it!"
coach z scratched his head. "homestar, practice ended an hour ago."
"wait, seriously?"
"..yeah, you were there. i thought you went to hit the showers?"
homestar was suddenly very aware of the amount of sweat dripping from him. coach z wasn’t the type to pull tricks of that kind, but he sure didn’t remember participating...
"ooh! right, right." he sighed. "yeah, i forgot to do that. thanks, coach."
"i'll see you tomorrow, alright?"
"sure thing!"
back in the locker room, as homestar prepared to shower, he glanced toward his locker.
a whole hour...? what had he been doing?
he closed his eyes to really concentrate on remembering. for a few moments, nothing; then, as if it were being thrown in his face, a singular memory of a joke coach z had thrown his way during practice.
homestar chuckled. of course that’s what he remembered. at least it wasn’t anything embarrassing.
